36 Vayadhinile

Yes yes I loved it. Jyothika was awesome. It was light-hearted with a strong message. No tears atleast no ugly tears. Thank you, 36 Vayadhinile team. It definitely passes the Bechdel Test.
This post would be incomplete if I didn't mention the original Malyalam movie starring Manju Warrier. But ignorant me knew about it only after getting to know about this movie.

If we want the quality of our movies to improve, I strongly believe that women should go out to the theaters and watch movies. We should voice out our opinions about these movies. Otherwise, we will be bombarded with lousy and regressive movies. We do not want that, do we?

Crescentia Kalpana David

I am using one of IHM’s blogscars topics "Women’s name change" as a writing prompt. I may be going on a tangent on this topic. So I am not submitting this post for the contest.


The name is Crescentia Kalpana David. Crescentia pronounced as Cres-sen-shi-ya. Crescentia is a Catholic name that is an alternative name of Mary. Like most Indian Catholics my parents wanted an Indian name too and hence Kalpana.

Throughout my academic life I was D. Crescentia Kalpana. Then I joined an MNC and I was asked my last name. So D moved to the end of the name and expanded to David, of course my Dad’s name. I loved the sound of it. There was something about it that sounded good. All the vowel and consonant sounds jived together to make it a happy name.

They say that long names are sexy. Therefore, a very long name should make it super sexy?

Now I am called by all forms of my name-Kalpana, Kalp, Kalpi, Crescentia, Cres, DC, sometimes David too.

I have always been a Daddy’s girl. When I used my father’s initial or his name, I never thought much about it. Yes it is unfair on my mother because I do not use her name. My name is now very much part of my identity.

By the time I got married I was so used to my name that I did not want to change it. A few years back I thought that one day I would be so crazily in love that I would love everything about him. I would be so mad about him that I would add his name to my name. Now, I wonder what I was thinking. Obviously my head was filled with cotton candy.

Dear Patidev, I am willing to do anything for you. Will you ask me of measly little thing such as changing my name? You love me just the way I am and would not want me to change anything about me, not even my name, don’t you? You definitely will not sulk if Benno chooses to use Anton Benno Crescent.

Me, the Bread Winner

This post is for IHM’s blog.

It was one of those days back in college when we were tired of classes and wanted a free period. So the lecturer suggested we could have a discussion on “Working Moms” instead of a complete free period. Many girls (I studied in an all girls’ college) said that women worked to share the financial burden of the family, create an identity for oneself, and so on.

I believe that every person can mould one’s life according to his or her own choice. So I believe a woman can choose to work or stay at home. Remember the movie Mona Lisa Smile?

As a working woman I do see many advantages of being one. Can’t say much about Stay at Home Moms because I am a working mom and the daughter of a working mom. But as a mom of a one year old I do understand separation anxiety. I do hope it will change soon.

From a pessimistic point of view, anything can happen to the marriage or your loved ones. Many, very rich women are left with nothing when they are divorced or widowed.

But as an optimist I do not want to think too far on those lines. At one time in my life I thought by working towards a career I was creating an identity for myself. After almost eight years of work experience I want to believe that there is more to me than just my career. My profession is just one dimension of me.

So if I was financially secure and if it is not about my identity, why would I want to continue working?

I want to use my God given faculties and talents to the fullest. Why not create a career out of it? Money does give one a sense of security. It may be a fake sense of security but it works to an extent.

Until I started working, the kind of people I interacted with was very uniform. We all came from the same economic and social strata. My work made me realize that it takes all kinds to make the world. Not to forget the various personalities. I would not have got this exposure if I were transplanted from my parents’ home to my in-laws’ by means of marriage assuming I was not working and was married into a similar protective family as mine. With limited interaction with people I would not have been as tolerant as I am of many things. I really would not have known “the world”.

Without work buddies my friends circle would have been very dependent on my hubby’s friends and their spouses. Boring. Ahh ..how can I bitch about hubby with them ;). Just kidding, may be not :D

May be there are other ways to showcase your stuff, be confident, and get better exposure to people. But this is the best way I know.

Image courtesy-http://www.mommyandmyra.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/ist2_7810015-computer-savvy.jpg

Women

I composed this article when I started blogging but I never got to post it. After changing two companies these thoughts seem very relevant even now. So here it goes...

Today I was having a discussion with a very close friend and I realized how much we women depend on each other. Don’t know how much men need to bond with other men. But we women just have to be around women.

We need each other’s company to go to the ladies room too.

Can anyone live without friends?? What will happen to coffee breaks without them? Who will give us our daily dose of gossip? Who will listen to your sob stories? Who will laugh at you/ with you? Who will give you tips on dresses and make up?

We know at work place we should not be too attached to people. But I was never able to stick to that rule. I always found at least one close friend in any team that I moved into. And that friend is always a girl/lady/women (at this age all these terms do not seem to fit).

Don’t have a sister so can’t comment on having a sister.

As a child we of course need our Moms. But as we grow up we need them even more. Without getting too mushy about it, we need our Moms for best practice sharing at different stages of our life.

I guess after a certain age Moms need their daughters too, as much as they love to say that we pester them. Have you observed women who have no daughters? They look old beyond their years. I think it is because after marriage women loose touch with their friends. Husband and children become a biggg priority. So when sons are ready to “fly from their nests” women suddenly become lonely. I am not saying men don’t take care of their parents. But somehow they do not share the same bond that a daughter shares with her mother.  When daughters reach their teens, they become their Mother’s friend. In spite of the fact that this relationship sometimes turns into a love-hate relationship, it is one that both the parties cherish. And then women start to enjoy their lives once again. Trips to beauty parlors (take your Mom to a pedicure, she will not admit it but she will love it), shopping, eating out, working on projects of mutual interest etc makes it ever so interesting. I could go on about it forever.

The Disappearing Woman

I was watching TV during the weekend and it only reiterated the fact that women are disappearing. Disappearing literally. Have you noticed that over the years the silhouette of women is diminishing.? There was this infomercial that was aired on Discovery channel a few years ago. A little girl draws the figure of a woman, erases it and then repeatedly redraws it so that the width of the figure goes on shrinking. This is exactly what has been happening for some years now. Look around and you will find images of women, all of whom seem to come out of a single mould. Pencil sizes! Woman where are your curves?

We have had a few incidents of models collapsing on the ramp resulting in instant death. There are women who have pre-mature babies because their bodies just cannot carry the weight of the baby inside. Can you believe instances of osteoporosis among women in their early thirties? What is the message we are giving to young girls? Never to be happy with our bodies? Increasingly girls as young as two have anorexia. Eating disorders are directly proportional to the availability of food in any economy.

There are so many women who feel guilty while eating even a single morsel of food. Women eat a particular variety of food to avoid putting on weight. Carbohydrates and fats are necessary too. Moderation and a balanced diet is the key. Women should realize that as we grow older, our bodies change and its needs change too. Realize food is nourishment and learn to have a healthy relationship with food. Realize that if you have cravings, it is ok to indulge in them once in a while. If you do not indulge it is going to come back at you at some point in life, back with a revenge. You have a problem when you get carried away with it. Realize that bland food may not always be healthy. Tasty food and food that is presented well can kill hunger before we starting eating it. The solution here is being smart and aware of the food we eat. We believe that salads and soups are the healthiest. But at the end of the day salads are generally uncooked and can contain huge amounts of chemicals. I wish organic farms are encouraged so that the prices of organic products come down.

Yesterday when I was in a supermarket, a group of women in their twenties walked in. They were all excited to find sugarless snack bars. A few of the bars were specially meant for women. One of the ladies looked at the contents and calculated the calories. She immediately announced that the claims of the manufacturer were bogus. It was nice to watch a smart woman. Women have to be aware of such things and be wary of tall claims made by any product. Women must learn to make informed choices.

Even though my post seems biased towards women who are on the heavier side, I know many women who are skinny and healthy. These women are always under pressure to gain weight. I love Dove ads because Dove embraces the idea of beauty in all shapes and colours. The cynic in me says it could be a marketing strategy, but atleast they do not promote unhealthy standards for beauty. When will each woman in the world accept her body completely?

Only You

Before there is a flurry of posts on Mother’s day, let me be the first to one to start. This is not going to be a mushy one. Of course I love my Mom. I have always been Daddy’s girl but my Mom is the one who shaped me into the person that I am now. She has more influence on me than I realise. People who go shopping with me know this. I always look at any dress from her point of view. She is a miracle. The best cook ever. She is smart. She learnt MS Office before my Dad could start figuring what it was all about.

Well anybody who knows me knows that I quote my Mom very frequently. Here are some of my Mom’s comments:

I tend to whistle a lot which she obviously hates. Her response: “Stop that. You will grow a moustache.”

My brother was going through a phase when he was wearing only black, to be specific, black t-shirt with black jeans. My Mom said “he works in a coal mine”.

The other day I was complaining that my gym instructor was torturing me. She asked if “is she rolling you on the ground?”.