Family

What is your definition of a family? Ideally and traditionally it should be a father, mother, and children with a lot of support from extended family. But some people are luckier than some others.
I was browsing and found this quote about family but I forgot to save the link-
“There is love in the household and that the children can depend on the adults to nurture them, guide them, and protect them. That’s family.” I thought it was a very good definition of a family. But I realized just now that it is a non-inclusive one. I think that is the best definition of a healthy family environment for children. Without getting too sentimental, I think a family is one where people are nurtured by each other. Period.

Shaadi Hai, Shaadi Hai

This title was borrowed from Shilpa Shinde’s facebook status that she posted on the day of her marriage. I hope you don’t mind, Shilpa. It is apt for this post.

So my younger, that is, my only brother was married recently. So, be warned that this post can get very mushy and may not make much sense and least of all articulate.

The marriage and my laziness kept me away from blogging.

So you ask if we are a typical brother and sister? Maybe, maybe not.  We are definitely not the movie type brother and sister because we love ragging each other.

It was a beautiful wedding day and everything fell into place making the day even lovelier. I cried happy tears three times during that day. I was very happy but I was a complete mush inside. My baby brother was getting married! But I still consider him a baby. I wrote on his 18^th birthday card that he could be all grown up but he would still be the baby of the family and that opinion continues.

The highlights of the day were:
the groom who was looking handsome as ever, 
the bride was at times blushing and at times joyous and looking completely beautiful every moment, 
the ring bearer was looking perfect, 
we were surrounded by people who loved us, 
the hilarious speech by the groom’s best friend, 
the geeky vote of thanks by the groom, 
and not to forget my darling of a best man. 
All happy moments.

It was fun growing up with my brother. I watched him talk non-stop as a cute toddler, play harmless pranks in the primary school only to turn into a silent and a well-balanced preteen calling his younger self immature. Ahmm..Whatever that means. As a teenager he was serious about his academics and his career. Along the way he learnt to play the keyboard and a bit of guitar, cultivated the habit to read, began quenching his curiosity about the world around him, travel, photography, appreciate good food, bungee jump, and play golf. Have I told you he loves photography? He gave clear instructions to the photographer on the eve of his wedding day about the events that were to follow, the angles that had to be covered, the poses etc. He gave instructions to the bridal party about the types of photos he wanted. Perfectionist, huh? But the results were awesome.

My sister in law is a sweet person with a bright smile and it was cute to watch her roam around the house popping bubble wrap.

The next marriage in the family will be my hero’s unless of course Bru’s kids overtake him. We will then tease him about this day when he became the runaway ring bearer, who refused to hold the pillow with the rings, didn’t hold the hands of the bridesmaid nor the flower girls', didn’t want to pose for the camera, and ran away from the bridal procession.

Here are some pics of my parents’ house and pics during the wedding day that were not posted on FB:

And the einvite we designed:

Nesting Syndrome

When I was pregnant I suddenly had the urge to clean the house. This urge got stronger as I was getting closer to my due date. I got to know that this called the nesting syndrome. It is just a way to prepare for the birth of a baby. Birds do it too.  They build nests, decorate it with feathers, and make it cozy with twigs, feathers, mud etc.

Isn’t it amazing that nature makes us do stuff that is right for our situation. I often wonder what pushes us to buy a house. Is it nature again doing the trick? Do we as human beings need a space to call our own? So do you think buying a house is a materialistic aspiration? Maybe, maybe not.

My blog for a very long time has been my space. I decorated this space just like I would my own house, to reflect my personality. I bought a house last year and the sentiment transferred to the house.

I realized a house means a lot of things to a lot of different people. For many people it is their nest or crib with a lot of sentiments attached to it. For some it is an investment with no sentiments. For some it is a goal of a lifetime. For some, one is just not enough. Ah a house in the city may be a condo or a penthouse, one farm house for the weekend and one house for the retirement, not to forget the one for vacations. Would be great but that is a lot isn’t it?

For some people a house could represent hope for the future like the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. If you haven’t watched it, want to watch a movie with hope, and don’t mind watching a slow movie then you should watch it. It is about a lady who goes through a painful divorce but has not grown bitter because of it. She buys a dilapidated house in Tuscany and hopes to fix it. Dreams of having a big family so that she can cook for them in her big kitchen, hopes to have a wedding and a baby in the house. I just love the movie. According to the movie, a railway line was built in that area of Italy when trains were just invented and there were no plans of running trains in Tuscany. See the simile?

For some people buying a house could mean having some amount of control over their lives like the guy in How I Met Your Mother. He goes through many break ups and decides that the right girl can come into his life whenever she wants. He goes ahead to buy his dream house. His friends think he is crazy but he explains that the house is one thing in his life that he has control over and hence the purchase.

Here are some items that I bought before I bought my house.

And the name plate I ordered with Adipa a few weeks back: 

It was delivered just before Easter. Yayay.

Speaking of dream houses, here is my dream house. I want a small garden with a big tree and a swing, a big library, bathroom with a tub, the roof above my bed would be glass so that I can look at the stars and the rain at night, herbs for pest control, a window seat, big windows covered with light curtains, a roof garden to insulate the house from the sun, a cozy, bright, and comfortable kitchen attached with an dining area to entertain friends, balconies covered with straw blinds, wifi, and a water source somewhere in the locality.

So what elements will be part of your dream house? Please share it even if it is just a fantasy. Love to read about it and probably day dream about it.

Happy Valentine's Day

This story is really a happily ever after kind of a story. A real story. The story is set in the 1940s. The story is about two young people beginning their life in a very young India.

She was the second daughter of a family with three surviving girls. The other two daughters were not interested in academics. She loved learning about new things. So her parents encouraged her to study beyond high school and pursue teacher’s training. She was loving the freedom of it. She was nearing her late teens, a ripe age to get married at that time.

He was the son of a rich farmer. His father was a well traveled man. His father was knowledgeable and led a frugal life of a simple farmer. You could stand in any part of his village and all the land that you saw until your eye reached the horizon belonged to his father.  But he never cared about it. He wanted to be independent. He did not want to follow his dad’s footsteps. He studied to become a teacher just like his elder brother. He studied hard and became a Mathematics teacher in one of the most prestigious schools of south India.

His parents, like all Indian parents, dutifully started looking for a bride for their younger son now that their elder son was married. They got her alliance through an acquaintance. They heard the girl was very pretty and fair. Now even though a very fair girl was not common to find, they found that the family was not rich. Infact, the family was barely making two ends meet. They decided that they will inform their son about it and let him decide after all it was his life.

He was surprised that a family with little means was willing to educate their daughter. He was impressed. He decided he was going to meet the family. He met her father and had a glimpse of her in the local church. He was smitten to say the least.

He decided she was the one for him and informed his parents about his decision. His parents were shocked. This kind of a thing didn’t happen at that time. Children were rarely allowed to decide about such matters. This was unheard of. But knowing that their son could be stubborn they relented. He didn’t want any dowry. Moreover he paid for the wedding and bought his bride jewels so that she could feel like a queen, his queen. His parents were surprised but were secretly proud of their son.

She loved him and he adored her. They were an ideal couple. She would ably handle the children, house hold, the servants, and so on. He was crazy about his family. Their children grew up with the same sense of independence and thirst for knowledge. They were together until death drove them apart only to be united in heaven. He passed on first and she followed later survived by four daughters, two sons, a flock of grandchildren and great grand children, all of whom loved them. Their elder son has a darling of a daughter, does’nt she?  Yes she is. Happy Valentine's day.

Small things that make a world of difference

It is my birthday today and it got me thinking about my past birthdays. I am in a very mushy mood today so I started thinking about some very special moments too. There have been so many moments in my life where I was floored by a small gesture. These have kept me going for a very long time.
Bruno traveled all day long to come to Hyderabad so that he could celebrate my birthday. This is not a small gesture though. But, how many brothers do that for their sisters? My parents try to make my birthdays pleasant and memorable. I get my favourite food, cake, cards, dresses and so on. Most of all they are very patient with me when I delay getting ready for office which usually annoys them.
On my 30th birthday Shilpa wrote this blog post for me. I was so honoured. I miss that celebration in Minerva.
My time in Cordys was super good because of friends like Videhi, Sangeetha, and Suneetha. I was so thrilled with that surprise birthday party. Thanks a lot girls.
Now in CA, my Gang of Girls makes everyday fun. Breaks, birthdays, outings, etc are all fun.
My college birthdays were unforgettable. I would be, as always, late to class. I would then try to rush into the class as though a few seconds were going to help me getting into the class on time. As soon as my friends could hear me coming in through the corridor they would start singing “Happy B’day..”.
Then there is this friend who calls me on every birthday since I started working in Dell and sings the complete birthday song with a lot of enthusiasm.
Then there are some very special moments that I will cherish forever. Like my brother bought me a IPod and setup a wireless network at home after Benno was born. This year when my Dad got to know about Daughter’s day, he bought me a bouquet. That was such a sweet gesture.
On the launch of Akansha, Shilpa gave me a bouquet and a card just to wish me luck. Akansha was appreciated by everybody in Dell but all those praises cannot equal what Shilpa did for me. One moment treasured for the rest of my life.
In another instance, Sneha and I were meeting after a long weekend. As soon as she saw me she starting squealing that she really missed me. Another treasured moment.
Once when Videhi was shopping for books she bought me a German dictionary because I was going German classes then.
Treasured moments presented by some of the most treasured people in my life.
There are so many such instances but this page is not going to be enough. So I end here.

Being a Parent

Watch this TED talk-

The couple is right. But in my case it was love at first sight. Yes, I definitely love my son now more than then. But maybe I was very pleasantly surprised when I first saw my son. Because of what the doctors told me, no scared me during my pregnancy, I was expecting this skinny baby. But when I saw my son I was overjoyed. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and thanked God that my son was healthy. Every day since his birth has been a learning experience.

I read many books on post delivery. I thought I understood the various feeding positions. But when it was time to feed I realized I was ill prepared. Then I realized wrong positions add to gas in the baby.

Nobody tells you, atleast nobody told me that you would be feeding your baby almost all day and night. I read we have to feed a new born every two hours. But that they left out a small detail that this feeding pattern is followed only when the baby sleeps throughout those two hours. If the baby is awake, you would be feeding more frequently. So, you end up feeling that you are only feeding your baby and doing nothing else.

The first three months are the toughest with lack of sleep, exhaustion, harmones and so on and then you just get used to it. I heard about post partum depression mainly in the western media. I wondered why we didn’t have any in India. Atleast if we had, it did not seem very common, or not commonly reported. I found the answer post my delivery. It is because of our support system. Your family does not let you feel isolated. You would feel isolated because you just cannot run out of the door and do something spontaneous everytime you feel like it. You need to plan and pack even if you have to go to the Church or a shop close to your home.

You have to hurry up your mealtime. No more long relaxed meals with your family. You have to eat, pee etc before your baby wakes up. Your entire schedule is managed by your baby’s sleep times. My parents and my brother were very supportive at this time. They would give me breaks when I needed them. My brother bought me an IPod. He said I could listen to books, chat, browse all while taking care of the baby. His only condition was that I send pictures of the baby frequently. He set up a wireless network at home so that I could use the IPod anywhere in the house. This was the most thoughtful gift I ever received and I could access the world with it. My parents would keep talking to me and ensured that I was in good spirits.

When you become a parent you worry a lot. You worry about everything possible. I actually had tally marks for the number of times he went potty, had wet diapers, and the number of feeds to ensure that everything was ok with him. I would wake up in the middle of the night to check if his blanket was not covering his face. I panicked and I still do about him meeting his milestones on time.

Your baby will give you a million reasons to grin like a fool. His smiles, his laughs, and all his antics are pure joy.

Just like nobody knows the secret of a successful marriage irrespective of the number years one has been married, you realize that nobody knows the secret of being a good parent. One keeps trying so many things equipped with the little experience and knowledge one has and only a few of these things actually work. What works in one family may not necessarily work in another. So, parenthood is more of a scary, challenging, exciting, and a beautiful journey. Good luck if you have already embarked on that journey or planning to.

Father, Mother, and Brother of the Bride

**spoiler alert-this post is going to be very mushy. So if you do not like sentimental stuff stay away!**

I guess after a certain age, when a girl sees a wedding she dreams of her wedding and every married woman is reminded of her wedding day. I wonder if these reminisce continue for the rest of one’s life but one will remember it for a very long time. So, when I was watching bits of the royal wedding I was reminded of my own. Would love to share it with you.

First, my fantasy wedding:

I wanted a very low key wedding. I knew I wanted a south Indian Catholic wedding so I knew I was going to wear a sari. I did not know much about saris when I was young and therefore, the type of sari did not matter. I wanted simple jewels that would match the sari. I wanted decoration that was an elegant combination of flowers and fabric. I imagined a wedding invitation that contained an image of a bride and bridegroom, in light pink. I wanted my family and close friends to be there. I wanted a very short guest list. I wanted people who were very close and ones who would truly be happy for me. I dreamt of lot of laughter, smiles, joy, and love.

My wedding day.and the days before my wedding:

I knew like all parents my parents too looked forward to my wedding day. Every time my parents attended a wedding since I was probably 20, they would enquire about the caterers, decoration and so on. My parents saved all their life for my marriage. Every time my parents saved a small amount of money they would buy jewellery with it. My Mom for a very long time had been saving stuff for me.

My engagement was in Madras. I missed my brother and my close friends. On the day of my engagement I knew I was looking my best. My Dad who is more expressive than my Mom was happy to see me looking all dressed and pretty. My Mom did not say much but her look said it all. It was supposed to be a small private family only affair. The decorations were simple and tastefully done. The menu was good. I was surprised my parents could pull it off so well. Madras is not a very familiar city for us. We could do it with the help some members of the family. I was very happy that many of my family members could come to my engagement.

Days that led up to the big day passed quickly with shopping and lots of pampering. This was also the time when I was leaving my previous company so it was a little emotional too.

My Mom spent a lot of time to decide my look. She ensured that the designs of all my jewels were unique, took care of the clothes that were to be given as gifts, and so on. My parents prepared the guest list, invited people in person, and took special care of every detail.

The wedding was in my home town. I got married in the same Church my parents were married. My both sets of grandparents were married there too. The maternal side of my family and the maternal side of Dad’s family were all married in the same Church. So, lot of history there. It is a beautiful Church and a very powerful shrine too.

My Dad went to my hometown to arrange everything well in advance. Again, we had the support of family members who shouldered the responsibility of arranging everything. Meanwhile I was inundated with wishes from friends and family.

When we reached my hometown, I got to meet many members of my extended family. On the day before the wedding, we had a mix of customs of different regions. We had haldi and mehendi. I received a lot of gifts and was fed a variety of sweets. I was totally loving the attention. My brother as usual assumed he was elder brother and took charge of all the arrangements. He was willing to splurge on the expenses and wanted the best for me. I was not allowed to lift a finger and was completely pampered.

The day of the wedding began very early in the morning. I freshened up and was waiting for the parlour lady. Everybody got down to work and picked up a responsibility, including the little flower girl. I was the only one who probably had a good breakfast. I was ready by 7:30 AM. I later realized that none of my family members had had the time to have complete lunch too. My parents told me in a very matter of fact manner that that is the way things are in a marriage. Later in the evening my entire family made it to the reception in Nagercoil which is more or less a two hour drive from my hometown braving pouring rains. They saw the rains as a good omen saying I was blessed abundantly. Yes, with family like mine I am very blessed.

My brother was dressed in a white dhothi and shirt in the traditional south Indian fashion for the wedding. For the remaining ceremonies, he was dressed in maroon party shirt and dark trousers. He was dressed in a complete formal coat suit for the reception in Hyderabad. He looked like a million bucks in all of them. My little cousins also were dressed in traditional clothes for the wedding and salwar-kameezes for the remaining ceremonies. All of them looked very pretty. It was a beautiful family gathering. I dearly missed my cousins in Gujarat and abroad. If the wedding would have been in Christmas the entire lot would have been there. The day after the wedding was followed by a sumptuous meal for the entire groom’s family and their extended family.

The reception in Hyderabad was the best. It was right out of my fantasies. The decoration, the ambience, the positive vibes, the laughter, the joy, and above all loads of love. Most of my close friends were there except one who was stuck in TRS bundh, another who was stuck in Kerala, another who had an asthma attack and another one who broke his arm. Oh ya there was another one, no two, who were lost in their own worlds due to personal reasons. They were sorely missed.

We had a gorgeous looking cake which tasted awesome. The food was in Andhra style and hence spicy and hence I loved it. Every person who was present there was there out of sheer love for us and blessed us with all their hearts. My parents and brother warmly welcomed every guest and talked each one of them. They did it all for me. No other day can compete with the positive vibes I felt that day.

In the middle of the reception, a good friend came to us with ice cream cups so that we would not remain hungry. At the end of the reception, a few close friends stayed back and ensured that we had our dinners. They wanted us to taste every dish in the menu. I was grinning from ear to ear.

I am very grateful to my parents and my brother who ensured that my fantasies were turned into reality. Every detail of my wedding had my Mom’s touch of sophistication, my Dad’s commitment to the family, and brother’s happiness coupled with excitement. This is love, pure love. Thank you, Thank you.

This is my wedding invitation just as I wanted, the resolution is not the best but you get the idea: 

The Church where I was married:

Hyderabad wedding reception’s decorations:

My Baby

Here are just bits about my pregnancy that I wanted to share:
I don’t know how I was so sure but i knew that I was pregnant. Just intuition I guess. When I went to the doctor for confirmation, I was a little embarrassed because I was the only one who was in her thirties. However, when I got the results I did not really care about my age or the people around me. It was not until the next visit that I realized how lucky I was. Very young women were visiting the hospital for problems like cysts and hormonal imbalances. I am very grateful that I did not face any such problems.
I did not have any of the common symptoms like morning sickness etc. However, I have had some uncommon symptoms but I will spare you the details. I have had to give up a few of my favorite things too like high-heeled shoes, wardrobe stuck to salwar kameez, minimum hair coloring, and very little pickle, no coffee, very little chocolate, no pasta, no Chinese food and so on.
Ever since I got the confirmation, every day has had its beautiful moments. The first scan was like witnessing a miracle. This was the first time I saw my baby. I could not make much of it, though, except a tiny fluttering on the screen. This tiny fluttering was the throbbing of my baby’s heart. I do not think I was more grateful in my life to God and appreciated technology than I did at that moment.
It was more than five months of my pregnancy and I could not feel the baby move. First, I did not think much about it but I slowly began worrying. Then on one Sunday, I could feel the baby move. I guess I felt it before but I did not realize it. However, that day I was somehow sure. When I told my Mom about it, she was thrilled and gave me palm sugar so that the baby would move more.
My baby’s communication with me has been amazing. He moved around a lot when I ate sweets, especially when I ate sweets from the best of quality shops. When I slouched, he would start tapping my stomach as though he was asking me to give him enough space to move.
He is such a joy. He is mamma’s boy, mamma’s pride and joy. I pray to God that he has good health and strength of character. With these two he can achieve anything. Thank you God.
P.S. -I know this post sounds like rambling but it comes straight from the heart.

Us

I never understood how one could meet a person once and decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives with him or her. I was surprised when people say that you must follow your heart and that I didn’t feel anything so strongly. Then I met this tall and handsome guy who wears more jewellery than I do, and everything changed. So, as move closer to the six month mark, here is a picture of Us.

Only You

Before there is a flurry of posts on Mother’s day, let me be the first to one to start. This is not going to be a mushy one. Of course I love my Mom. I have always been Daddy’s girl but my Mom is the one who shaped me into the person that I am now. She has more influence on me than I realise. People who go shopping with me know this. I always look at any dress from her point of view. She is a miracle. The best cook ever. She is smart. She learnt MS Office before my Dad could start figuring what it was all about.

Well anybody who knows me knows that I quote my Mom very frequently. Here are some of my Mom’s comments:

I tend to whistle a lot which she obviously hates. Her response: “Stop that. You will grow a moustache.”

My brother was going through a phase when he was wearing only black, to be specific, black t-shirt with black jeans. My Mom said “he works in a coal mine”.

The other day I was complaining that my gym instructor was torturing me. She asked if “is she rolling you on the ground?”.