A Relationship by Any Other Name

Have you heard a woman saying "..she is not my mother-in-law but she is like my mother..". I have often heard this in movies. I have come across a few women who insist that their daughters-in-law call them mother and not mother-in-law. This saddens me.
I know all the bad rap the mother-in-law tag has. Why not live in a way such that mother-in-law means something good.
Most of us hope to get married once and stay married to that one person. So the chance that you will get to call a woman a mother-in-law will also be only once. So why not call her a mother-in-law and why bring in the tag of mother? Can you imagine calling any other family member by a relationship that they are not?
Improve the relationship, if it has to. But do not change the name of the relationship.

That Affected Me??

I have been wondering about my writing hiatus. There has been no dearth of topics. Everyday I can think of something to write. But I just could not sit down to write.
I could identify a few reasons. But the most silly of them is my desk or writing place.
Earlier, when I was fairly regular with my blogging I used my desktop to blog rather than my laptop. Later I started solely relying on my laptop. Which meant I didn't use a table and chair. I was lazily lying on my bed. The first thing that you want to do when you are lying on a bed is to do some major time pass activities like facebook and chatting before drifting off to sleep.
I am able to focus better sitting at a desk. I realized it very late. I am not blogging regularly but I am able to browse and read up information that cannot be classified as time pass.
So what affects your writing?

Writers Write

I wanted to create a goal or a mission statement for this blog. Just like I have been meaning to write a personal creed. We all know how well that is going. I wanted something elaborate and fun. Something that would reflect my ambitions for my future. But I am just not sitting at my desk for enough time to put it down on paper rather laptop. The other day, it struck me that I have to keep writing. Thats what writers do. We write. Thank you, thank you. I know this is such a deep, reflective post. I am floating on air in my padma asana posture. :)

Arranged Marriages and The Big Bang Theory

I have been watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory and it struck me that these guys are ideal candidates for the arranged marriage market.

You ask me how?

All four of them are highly educated. All of them hold a phd degree except Howard.

All four of them are scientists.

All four of them are whipped by obedient to their mothers.

They have zero sexual history.

Can’t talk to women even if they wanted to.

No addictions.

God-fearing mother/ Scientist parents/ Rich gynecologist father.

It does read like a matrimonial ad isn't it? Well settled groom, good family background, and clean habits. All they have to do is post an ad saying “Seeking bride who is fair, slim, educated, homely (or should it be home loving?), and a working woman” and matches are going to pour in by the scores.

My bet is Dr. Sheldon Cooper’s profile will be the most sought after one. All four of them would be married in no time irrespective of how dysfunctional they are.

Don’t start talking about the benefits of an arranged marriage because you would be preaching to the choir. I had an arranged marriage. It is not necessarily such a bad thing. Arranged or love boils down to commitment. My question is how long will arranged marriages be relevant? We meet people of the opposite sex everyday. We know the kinds of people out there. Most of us need more than one meeting to find someone mildly attractive. Even love at first sight needs time and intimacy to evolve into a relationship that is ready for marriage.   
Don’t fool yourself in saying that we can find a middle ground between arranged and love marriage. You know there is no such thing as a love cum arranged marriage. If you find your spouse its love marriage and if your parents find your spouse it is called arranged marriage. It is your life. Grow up and take control of it.  

I remember my college lecturer saying “Marriage is like a lottery. Love marriages could give us a chance to tilt the scales in our favour.”

Haven’t our parents done enough for us already? Why burden them with finding our spouses too? Everybody’s profile looks good on paper. So take a good look at your profile, gain confidence, and meet people. Ditch community etc in favour of personality and compatibility. Meet people through your friends and dating/matrimonial sites. Join forums or groups that interest you and meet people who have similar interests as yours. Enjoy getting to know them. Decide when your heart and mind says it is the right thing to do.

To quote Frank Sinatra loosely, you may have a few regrets but you would have done it your way.

Note: This post was written for the Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage! contest by Sony Entertainment Television and Indiblogger. Head out to www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange for more information.

Random Thoughts

I am recovering from the love showered by the weather. This time the weather was a little too generous with me and my wheezing coughs scared my teammates. Every time I fall sick I realize my blog posts are delirious too. So here goes:

• I am surprised that “Why this Kolaveri di” is appreciated by non-tamil speaking people. I was surprised that Dhanush mumbling in Tanglish has become so popular. After listening to it a few times I realized that it is a little silly and tanglish makes it universally appealing as opposed to Tamil. I mean everyone can understand it unlike Tamil. Must say it is very articulate. ;) :D
• Yeah yeah I got to watch a few low budget sensible Tamil movies.
• I guess one falls sick because one’s body wants a break. The question is-was I really that tired?
• I realized that gender stereotyping starts with nursery rhymes. I was watching rhymes with my son and the video for “Around the Mulberry bush” has a girl washing clothes and a boy ironing clothes. Sometime back when I went to a kid’s store I saw rhymes books for boys were different from the ones for girls. I thought it was a one-off bad marketing idea. But there seems to be a pattern here.

Some very intellectual thoughts for you to chew on, is’nt it? :D heheh

Personal Creed

I wanted to write my personal creed, loosely put my life’s mission, for almost three years. However, I never got down to writing one. These words, every word, from Hilda Carroll best represent my thoughts.

I am a work in progress. I live each day conscious

that where I am is a result of my past thoughts,

words and deeds, and that where I’m going is being

shaped right now. So I try to show kindness and

respect to all whom I meet throughout my day,

including myself.

After spending over three decades living within my

comfort zone, I now strive to grow and stretch

myself. I have sometimes let fear of other people’s

opinions hold me back, but more and more now I

let that go and do what feels good and right for me

in the moment.

I believe in my own power and responsibility in

shaping how I experience every event in my life. I

am grateful for all the good in my life, both people

and experiences. And I am equally grateful for the

lessons I learned from less savoury events in my

life. (Though I hope not to repeat the painful

lessons or experiences again!)

I know that those whom I judge are mirrors of

myself, and I am learning the art of forgiveness and

non-judgement – of myself and others.

I am mindful that my time here is not only limited

but also uncertain. And so I put less things off until

'someday', and do more things now. I live the best

life that I can right now, because I know that right

here right now is all I really have.

Don’t Look Back

After a long day at work, in my previous work place, a friend and me were leaving for home. I said that we should walk without looking back and if we did the chances of getting more work was very high. This reminded me of a story I heard as a child.
This is a story from the Old Testament and it is about a noble man who was living in a village full of sinners. One day God appears in his dream and asks him to leave the village with his wife and daughter. God warned him that the village was going to be destroyed. While they were leaving the village, they were not supposed to look back no matter what happened. So while the three of them were walking away from the village, they heard bolts of thunder and fire destroying the village. The man and his daughter walked without looking back but his wife could not resist temptation and looked back. Immediately she turned to a pillar of salt. This story is usually told in the context of absolute obedience to God’s will.
When I first heard the story as a child, I thought it was a little too harsh. As I was narrating the story to my friend, I realised it could be a metaphor for life. You are to believe in God/ destiny/ Superior being and follow him or her. You don’t look back no matter what happens. If you do, you could become a pillar of salt - read tears. No regrets.